Jan 22nd - Koh Lanta

CAUTION: The rating on this BLOG has been upgraded to much anticipated PG-13 rating from the lovable, happy-go-lucky G rating. Though nothing stupid has been committed by yours truly (I still got roughly 3+ weeks to change that), comments mentioned are based on observations and final stupid everyday discussions between myself and my buds (now with an all new vulgar language feature).
The much antipicated R rating (for you perverts) will have to wait until the gang and I hit Pat Pong in Bangkok.

Since my last BLOG, I have not heard a peep from Death Threat Lady. As a point of fact, I haven't replied to her and am not planning to reply....but a sick side of me would like to see if she'd send me more crap. Please note, if you received an uncharacteristic email from me of an abusive nature, it wasn't me. I have a feeling that Death Threat Lady may have gotten my email password and started up a storm. I have since changed my password but do apologise if you have received something unbecoming.

We walked around town and made our way back to Sairee Beach when we walked by a place called "Mr. J's". Mr. J, much to the chagrin of Dan when I bugged him, looked like a perverted old Chinese guy who sold...you guessed it...home made profolactics. "Mr J's condoms....get them here!!"
I was imagining the conversation we could have had while he was spouting off his theories on sex:
Harvey: "you got gaurantee's on that? What if it breaks?"
Mr J: "dhis is bery good kwality...high end product...."

emm hmmm....yeah....

So what was Mr J's theories on sex? Here it is:
"For romance - you need girl. For very good romance - you need ladyboy. For free love - you need dog!"

YEAH OK Mr. J., I don't need any more hints. Enjoy eating your deer balls! Apparently eating the parts of other animals is supposed to help you grow your parts...no thanks..


That evening, in Koh Tao, the boys and I kicked around for the day waiting for our overnight boat to Surattani and eventual bus ride from there to Krabbi. So what did we do? What everyone does on the beach when there is nothing to do....we hit the bar!
As we're sitting there, minding our own business, a ruckus broke out on the beach. Topless water jousting! What the heck? It was like looking at the sun...you don't want to look and yet you do...and in amazement...you can't help but stare and pray to god that you don't go blind.

The local Dive Masters and Bartenders at Ban's Diving Resort are all young (what I observed) Europeans and Aussies between 20 to mid-30's; and every 3 days or so (according to the bar tender), they have naked boobie jousting. The way the jousting works is that two girls will stradle the shoulder of two guys and then the jousting starts...the girls try to unseat each other to go falling into the ocean.
That's it....but they go on and on and on.....

After the jousting, they all came up to the bar and started drinking....and drinking they did! Out of no action of our own...we got sucked in.
First was the "Floppy Milk". Floppy Milk consists of crushed Oreos (you need a good forehead for smashing those cookies to bits), Rum, Vodka, milk, and Kalhua....all mixed into another one of those freakin buckets.

So this, had to be Scottish (but what do I know about accents) guy, was hilarious. He'd dive into this buckets and come out covered in Floppy Milk. "MMMMMmmmmm...", he say. "Dhat is some Floppy milk!! It's VERY FLOPPY!!!!". And then his friends get into it...all diving into the bucket saying how Floppy it was. Can someone explain to me what Floppy means? I have no clue....they just went on and on about Floppy.
Well, the bucket didn't work for long because their noggins past the lip of the bucket. So out comes the garbage bag and the Floppy Milk goes gushing into the bag.
GAME ON.
Heads start going into the bag and come out covered with cookie bits and the rest of the Floppy Milk.

So where did we get sucked in? After the Floppy Milk, Mr. Scottish started buying rounds of Barcardi Breezers. "The B.B.C.", he called it. "The Barcardi Brezzer Challenge!!". It consisted of shooting the bottles...straw goes in to let in air, and you chug the Breezer. He bought for the entire bar...he started ordering cases (warm cases of Barcardi Breezers...yuck) and around the bar they went. It all ended shortly after a big grin came across his face and he pee'ed in his shorts. ICK!

That was gross...at least we got some drinks during the shinnanegans...had a good glow going on.

Anyway, that night, as we're waiting for our taxi (open air pickup) to the pier, everyone is in a good mood. And then Dan see's the overnight boat...and was he ever grumpy then. You had to see this boat...hot, smelly, mats on the floor of this boat, creepy crawlers everywhere (and I have a phobia of creepy crawlers but I kept my good mood), stinky
people, bad breath, terrible B.O., you name it.
Dan + alchohol + stinky boat + heat + stinky people = NOT HAPPY

We settled in for a fairly rocky boat ride into Surattani. Dan said he almost got sick as we would look out the window and see the moon racing towards the top of the window and disappear and then come racing back towards the bottom of the window and disappear....not a good boat ride.

**Tip for anyone travelling to Thailand: buy yourself a good sleeping bag liner/sleep sheet - this will save your ass! And a good head lamp to find stuff with when the lights go out. You can get both at MEC. Oh...and travel with a pharmacy of stuff because getting ill with a cold and possibly having tummy problems is pretty much going to happen.

We got on a bus from Surattani to Krabbi and found that Koh Lanta was just 2 hours away. After 14hrs of travelling, we said "why not?" and kept going. It also helped that the local tourist guide said that there was absolutely nothing to do in Krabbi so we just kept motoring on. That's where I am today - Koh Lanta.

This morning was good though. BACK ON THE EDGE BABY!!!!
Went for a good 20 minute run on the beach. It's super humid here and I was sweating like a pig. Arnie mentioned that there are certain temperatures and humidity that is not recommended for running...he said this was close. Good to know that then...I was worried about why I wanted to yack 10 mins into the run (I can handle running this long back home).
It was kewl....two little kids started running with me and egged me to keep running. First one kid dropped off...then the other though I tried egging him to keep going.
It wasn't long ago that I was like the first kid....I would stop running 2 mins into a run but now I can keep going. Cardio is getting strong!!
Well...maybe I haven't found the full EDGE. Years ago, my ex-girlfriend would eat Nutella (you know, the chocolate) with pancakes or eggo waffles or something. She'd even eat it straight out of the jar. I'd say "Hun...come on, straight out of the jar?? That's gross!" and she'd eat it happyily away while she ignored me (you have to picture it..chocolate on her face...it was cute but she was a messy eater). Anyway, I never tried Nutella. Never; until this trip of course. OH MY GOD....Nutella on crepes is soooooo good!! I never knew what I was missing...this stuff rocks!
You can get these crepes anywhere...from the local guesthouse where you may be staying to street vendors with portable hot plates...just like a hotdog vendor back home but for crepes. It's awesome!

The place here in Koh Lanta is really nice. If it was ever hit by the Tsunami...there is no evidence of it so far that I can see. We're right on a beach called Long Beach (a name not restricted for exclusive use on the west coast of N. America), the water is super blue, the sand is super white, the breeze is nice, and the vibe is ultra relaxed. Much like the other beaches we've visited so far and yet different at the same time.
There are resorts everywhere..all offering bungalows, common areas to eat and drink, fantastic views of beach and ocean, and the occasional one has a pool.
The place sorta reminds of North Beach Miami a bit. Now those were some good times!

Anyway...team Kamloops (the 3 girls we met up with on Bottle Beach) are supposed to be on Koh Lanta some place. We may or may not meet up with them...don't know. Regardless, Robyn (Arnie and my neighbor back home) is on Koh Pi Pi (I think I spelt this right) and we may be meeting up with her and her boyfriend in a few days.
Beyond that, we're just chilling on a new beach, new views, new people (bit of an older crowd here...married people, families, retired folks) so we'll chill for a few days before moving on.

Harvey